Active listening is a powerful way of listening and responding to customers that improves mutual understanding. It is the foundation of effective communication and demonstrates real respect. According to Nancy Kline, author of the book ‘Time to Think’, when you are listening to someone, much of the quality of what you are hearing is your effect on them. Giving good attention to people makes them more intelligent. Poor attention makes them stumble over their words and seem stupid. Your attention, your listening is that important. When we are in conflict, we can sometimes contradict the customer, denying their description of a situation. This tends to make them defensive and they will either lash out or alternatively, withdraw and say nothing more. However, if they believe that we are really tuned in to their concerns and want to listen, they are more likely to explain in detail what they feel and why. This in turn, gives sales people a much greater chance of being able to develop a win-win solution.

Your role in the sales situation alternates between sender and receiver of messages. The very best sales professionals devote a large portion of the sales interview to listening because sincere listening demonstrates sincere interest. Ultimately, good listening is the shortest distance between you and more sales; better sales, faster sales. 

How often has a customer said something that has been misinterpreted by you? If you accept the view that everyone is unique, then every word has a different meaning to different individuals? What we say can be different to what we actually mean because we all have to edit our thoughts in order to communicate them in words. We do this by a combination of deletion,distortion and generalisation.

Communication involves four steps:

1.Sensing the message and the stimuli that goes with it

2. Interpreting it (to be sure you understand)

3. Evaluating it (never judge before you understand)

4.Reacting (either verbally or non-verbally)

That’s why it pays to listen with your eyes as well as your ears. Frequently, a gesture, an expression, will reveal as much or more than words. Therefore, effective listeners seek to understand the meaning behind their customers’ words, this requires giving the other person full attention, and demands conscious practice.

To become excellent at listening, there are three main techniques:

1. Build high levels of rapport and trust your instincts

When two people have established high levels of rapport, they unconsciously pick-up on the feelings of each other. The quickest way to build a deep connection with the other person is to match their breathing. At this point the sales person may get an instinct about something the customer ‘feels’ which is important feedback that is driven from their unconscious mind. Trusting these instincts can sometimes prove to be a challenge for people who work in a corporate, logical environment yet the ability to ‘listen’ and act upon these instincts can make the difference between a good listener and a great listener. If for example, you have created rapport and start to feel nervous, then chances are, so is your customer. Imagine the impact of asking  “I’m getting a sense that you’re feeling nervous about this, what specific concerns do you have?” will have on your customer.

1. Demonstrate that you are paying attention

This really encourages the customer to continue talking and helps put them at ease because they can see that you’re interested in what they are saying. Using noncommittal words with a positive voice tone, that neither, agree or disagree with what is being said will ensure that the customer remains motivated to want to continue talking. For example,  “I see”/ “Uh-huh”/ “That’s interesting” are great ways to achieve this. Nodding your head and taking written notes are also effective when demonstrating your interest.

1. Clarifying your understanding

Adopting a consultative approach means that it’s vital to fully appreciate your prospect’s requirements. Even if you think that your prospect has made them very clear, it’s good practice to summarise your understanding of them. For example: “So what you’re saying is (requirement).” “You obviously value (requirement) as being very important to you.” These summaries will strengthen your relationship and demonstrate a genuine desire to really understand what they want. Rephrase their main points at regular intervals and ‘play them back’ to them. This helps them see if they have said exactly what they wanted to say, and to make sure you understand. Put their feelings into words. This will help them evaluate and perhaps modify their statement…and it gives further evidence of your understanding.

We receive information through all of our senses - sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. Different individuals have different preferences in the way they think and communicate. If a person is thinking in pictures, then at that moment they will respond best to a person who can communicate by ‘painting pictures’ in their mind’s eye. Equally if an individual is thinking logically they will respond best to a person who presents facts, statistcs and logic with a sense of objectivity. Our preferred Communication Style can change in different contexts and situations. For example, a person who is highly logical in the workplace, may become more feeling orientated at home with their family.

Good salespeople are able to adapt their Communication Style to match the style of their customer.

There are 4 different Communication Styles:

VISUAL

People who are visual often stand or sit with their heads and bodies upright and with their eyes LOOKING upwards. They move often, using lots of hand gestures and tend to be organised, neat, well-groomed and orderly. They think and process information by SEEING PICTURES in their mind’s eye, and are not distracted by noise. They often have trouble remembering verbal instructions because their minds tend to wander. A visual person will be interested in how your suggestion will LOOK. Appearances are important to them and they will want you to have eye contact with them when they are talking. They generally breathe from the top of their lungs that means they talk fast and have a higher voice tone. People with this Communication Style will use words such as:

● see

● look

● appear

● view

● show

● clear

● hazy

● focused

● imagine

● picture

● watch

● observe

● vision

● bright

AUDITORY

People who are auditory will quite often move their eyes from side to side. They generally remain fairly still and you may notice that they often turn their head slightly so that one of their ears can HEAR you better. They think and process information by SOUNDS that means they can be easily distracted by NOISE. Auditory people can repeat things back to you easily because they learn by LISTENING, and usually like music and TALKING on the phone. They learn by LISTENING to verbal instructions and HEARING and like to be TOLD how they’re doing. Typically this Communication Style will breathe from their mid-chest area that gives them good voice flexibility. The effect of this means that they will have a melodious and varied voice tone and pace that they also like to HEAR in others. Auditory people often TALK to themselves (some even move their lips when they do this), and they want to LISTEN to how your suggestions SOUND. People with this Communication Style will use words such as:

● hear

● listen

● sound(s)

● tune in/out

● tell

● announce

● talk

● speak

● echo

● whisper

● loud

● dialogue

● wavelength

● rings bells

FEELING

People who are feeling (sometimes referred to as kinesthetic) will often look down to the left as they search for FEELING what you are communicating. They often move and talk very slowly and will want to FEEL in a COMFORTABLE position if they are sitting or standing. Feeling people may play with a pen or their hair because ‘TOUCHING’ helps them to think. They respond to physical rewards and are COMFORTABLE standing or sitting very close to another person. This means that they are TACTILE so handshakes and pats on the back become important. They think and process information by how it FEELS to them and whether they can GRASP what you are communicating. They learn best by DOING or ‘walking through’ something and if they are making a purchase will want to TOUCH what they are intending to buy. Typically this Communication Style will breathe from their lower abdomen area, this means that they talk slowly and with a lower voice tone. They will be interested in your suggestions if they FEEL right and they have a good GUT INSTINCT about it. People with this Communication Style will use words such as:

● feel

● touch

● grasp

● catch on

● make contact

● tap into

● hard

● unfeeling

● solid

● relaxed

● heavy

● warm

● touch base

● comfortable

LOGICAL

People who are logical (sometimes referred to as auditory digital) will often look down to the right as they EVALUATE the facts and CONSIDER their options. They aren’t particularly expressive or demonstrative. Their favourite position is sitting or standing with their arms crossed and resting their chin on one hand as they objectively ASSESS the information being presented to them. They respond to research, facts and statistical data and learn best when there is a step-by-step PROCESS to follow. They think and process information by EVALUATING it against the CRITERIA of whether it MAKES SENSE. Typically this Communication Style will talk in a monotone voice almost as if they are REPORTING on their observations. This means that they sometimes create the perception that they are DETATCHED from their emotions. They will be interested in your suggestions if they MAKE SENSE and are LOGICALLY presented with supporting EVIDENCE. People with this Communication Style will use words such as:

● sense

● understand

● think

● learn

● process

● consider

● know

● discuss

● question

● decide

● perceive

● logical

● reasonable

● statistically

Really effective sales people:

● are aware of their preferred Communication Style

● can easily identify their customers’ preferred Communication Style

● instinctively adapt their own Communication Style to reflect their customer’s style 

The ability to build rapport with customers and prospects is vitally important. Why? Because, if you have rapport with your customers, they are more likely to trust you, listen to you and communicate openly with you. This in turn enables you to interact more comfortably and work more effectively together. Rapport dramatically increases your chances of winning a sale. Additionally, Having rapport means that when there are tough issues to discuss, for example price increases, you can more easily find agreement and solutions and move on.

Classic research by Robert Birdwhistle looked at how face-to-face communication was received and responded to. His figures suggest that your impact depends on three factors - how you look, how you sound, and what you say. His research broke it down: 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent quality of the voice and 7 per cent actual words spoken. Rapport involves being able to see eye-to-eye with other people, connecting on their wavelength. So much (93 per cent) of the perception of your sincerity comes not from what you say but how you say it and how you show an appreciation for the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

When you are in rapport with someone, you can disagree with what they say and still relate respectfully with him or her. The important point to remember is to acknowledge other people for the unique individuals that they are. Rapport can be described, as ‘when two people are like each other, they like each other!’ Rapport builds trust and without basic trust communication can become stilted.

When communication between two or more individuals reaches its optimum it’s said that a perfect rapport has been established. On the other hand, when communicating with a customer or prospect is hard the situation becomes rapport-less. Some people we meet may inspire an instant connection and immediate trust, while another person can be very polite and charming yet we don’t feel any connection with them and our communication feels unnatural. When two or more people meet they immediately start an automatic process of comparison with the other. If the outcome of this process is judged that the other person is similar in some way then rapport is established. When people are in a state of rapport they tend to respond easier to our instructions, suggestions and influence. Rapport is often seen as the foundation of all good communications.

We have an inbuilt tendency to conform to the other person’s behaviours and if we instinctively feel that conforming is possible, then we will start the process of building rapport. As people this process happens instinctively and can be evidenced by sharing the same mannerisms, voice qualities and gestures. This means that when two people are in rapport they show a tendency toward a behavioral compromise. It’s easy to spot two close friends who share similar gestures, facial expressions, verbal expressions, and postures, to such a degree that they could be mistaken as being closely related. This is due to the fact that the long-term mutual rapport creates a strong behavioral bond. Even when these two friends disagree on something, they manage to keep rapport alive.

The process we use unconsciously to build rapport can be replicated with conscious awareness that is a useful skill for a Sales person to learn. This process can be likened to matching and mirroring a person’s behavior to create a perceived likeness. When we match a person’s mood, their gestures, facial expressions, we are better equipped to start experiencing how they feel at any given moment. Doing so, we obtain that the person observing us will find mirrored in us their emotional state, their way of living at that moment, and all this will increase the chances that they will see in us someone that they can trust.

If we have built sufficient rapport it then becomes possible to lead a person towards where we would like them to go, or what we would like them to do. At an unconscious level they will know that by refusing it (shown by not matching or mirroring you) they will be refusing to build rapport, with themselves. Through unconscious identification they are already convinced that you are experiencing what they are experiencing, therefore anything you will manage to do they will feel that it’s something they can do as well.

There are a number of suggestions that can help your rapport-building skills:

• The quickest way to build rapport is to match the other person’s rate of breathing
• By matching a person’s breathing, you’ll find it easier to match their voice qualities (If you use peripheral vision - expanded awareness, similar to the one used when driving a car, you become more sensory aware of the smallest details about the other person)
• You don’t necessarily need to match each gesture exactly, you can match a pen tapping movement with a foot tapping movement at the same pace
• Never match regional accents and if you are female, some male postures may not look appropriate to match
• Paying attention to the other person really helps build rapport because the more you notice, the more you can match
• Take a genuine interest in getting to know what’s important to the other person. Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first
• Pick up on their key words, favourite phrases and way of speaking and build these subtly into your own conversation
• Notice how someone likes to handle information. Do they like lots of details or just the big picture? As you speak, feed back information in this same portion size

Before looking outwards at our prospects and customers, we need to look at ourselves, because each of us is a unique human being with our own desires, dreams, problems and thoughts. To understand how we can communicate and therefore sell more effectively we need to understand the human communication process.

Every moment our unconscious mind absorbs over 2 million bits of information through our senses. We are bombarded moment by moment with sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches. Yet according to Professor George Miller from Harvard University we can only process around 7 chunks of information consciously at any given moment. That’s an awful lot of information that our conscious mind chooses to ignore or to be more accurate, delete! This means that every individual will process information based on what they a focusing on at that time.

The information that enters our unconscious mind goes through 3 filters to get to our conscious mind. We delete most of it, because there is no way that our conscious mind could cope with what is held in the unconscious mind. We distort the information based on our current situation.  For example, a child may interpret the ordinary sounds of a central heating system very differently if they are left alone in the house. This is why, sometimes people can completely misinterpret what we are saying to them, they are distorting the information because they are focusing on a different meaning to the one we wanted to convey. We also generalise information. For example; once we have learned what a chair looks like we can instantly identify other ‘chairs’ even though we haven’t seen every type of chair. We can generalise the way most doors are opened, how most cars are driven and even how to identify when a person is either male or female.

After the information has been filtered into our conscious mind, there are only 4 things we can do with it inside our heads…we make pictures, sounds, we talk to ourselves or we have feelings. The combination of these things creates an emotion that has an effect on our physiology. For example; if we feel embarrassed we might blush, if we feel angry we may tighten up our muscles. Every thought we have effects our body and the way we move our body effects our thinking. Our mind and body are totally interconnected. If you look at a person suffering from depression, often they are round shouldered, they look down a lot and many of them will be using a lot of negative self talk “why does this always happen to me?” “I’m useless, what’s the point?” Contrast this to a person who feels really confident, they stand upright, their shoulders are back and they use eye contact. Because every thought we have effects our body this means that our emotional state effects also effects our behaviour which consequently effects and influences the results we get. Therefore, if we want to change aspects of our lives, including the way our prospects and customers react to us, first, we have to change our own thinking.